I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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