Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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