I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize