jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
