I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
