i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
