Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize