she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
