he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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