i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
