Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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