Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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