she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
