Betty ford says i'm here all night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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