when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
