There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do vagina's smell?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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