Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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