I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The feeling are messing with the penis
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize