So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your cock deserves a montage
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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