so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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