3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
