Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
