That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
