dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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