fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
