if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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