If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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