The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
