haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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