you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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