I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
