Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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