just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I skipped work to stalk him.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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