finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
