i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
