Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
