so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
