i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
