Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
