Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
