I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
