im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
