youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize