How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
