She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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