I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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