No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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