Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
