Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
