I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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