remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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