We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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