I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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