Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
