I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
