i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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