Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
