This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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