If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
