Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
