So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
