Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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