I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
