is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So here I am, sexting at work.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
