lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
