I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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