I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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