i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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