I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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