Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
