You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
