if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
