god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
