Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
