Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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